Crying in the Kitchen Again

After filling each Thermos with homemade pasta and veggies that I remembered to cook last night so that it would be ready for Hot Lunch Wednesday, I had this horrifying thought that they will want to be fed, AGAIN, Today! And then I had the same mental battle of thinking of something that I can feed them while running in between spring sports events and still get to church for the healing service tonight. So I started looking for something to throw in the crockpot. I had these stew onions staring at me from the pantry and so I started to peel.

As I sat there crying, I was quickly reminded of why they sell onions all peeled and ready in the freezer section. I had bought them because my grandmother used to make these stewed onions that were so good and these were ‘buy a bag, get a bag free’. So here I was, stuck peeling them and wondering how long it could possibly take!  I could have just peeled one giant onion and chopped it up. But then I reminded myself that peeling veggies is a great opportunity for some mindfulness meditation. So I tried to focus on the task at hand and send some love to my family through this home cooked meal.

If you are like me and have trouble shutting off your thoughts, then this process can be more of a reflection than a meditation, but you still need to be present and not rushed when using knives and hot pans. As I peeled back the top layer of the onion, I was thinking of the way in which we peel back the layers as we heal. I was remembering all the healing that I have done since becoming a mom and wanting to break some of these intergenerational family patterns for my kids. And I was thinking about the healing service tonight. I was thinking about how that huge piece of healing that I received last Fall peeled back a layer so that I could then see what was underneath and all the healing that I’ve done since then.

I was remembering how some people came to the service, but then did not ask to be healed. Some people even went up to receive healing, but then shook it off because they did not feel worthy to receive it. I remember how hard it was for me to ask for the healing and to let it work through me. There were so many people who were more sick, in more pain, or more deserving. It was kind of scary to go up in front of everyone and let them see my vulnerability. I even had to force myself to stay still and let it happen even though it took longer than I thought and I was self-conscious.

Since last Fall I have been able to see so many changes in myself, so many pieces of myself that I didn’t even know were there. And I realize that this is why we are so scared to ask for healing. We are scared of what we will find if we peel back that layer. Who would we be without our symptoms? If we change our habits and behaviors, even though it is to become healthier and happier, we wonder who we will become. If we change ourselves, how will all of our relationships shift as a result? What if we don’t like the person underneath? It can be hard to make those changes, and we can find ourselves resisting for so many reasons even though we may really want to feel better. This is why I am so thankful to have people in my life who love and support me. Friends and mentors and teachers who want the best for me, even if it means that I will no longer need them in the same way.

And that brings me back to parenting. We want what is best for our kids. We pack them healthy lunches that will help them to grow big and strong. We teach them how to navigate the world. And we teach them how to do the hard stuff and keep going, even though there is always another layer and another challenge. And we do all of this knowing that it will eventually mean that they don’t need us in the same way anymore. But I will always find new ways to be there for them, and I will always be their mother. See, now you are crying too and you’re not even peeling onions!

If you want support on your healing journey, book a free 15 minute consultation to talk about the best way to get started.

Ready to start peeling? Book a private session.

 

Disclaimer: The information contained in this website or provided through our programs and/or services is for informational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice from your physician, midwife,  or other health care or mental health professional.

 

 

 

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Lessons from my Dirt Therapy Session

I just went outside for some of what I like to call “dirt therapy”. I get to put my hands in some dirt, connect to my Earth, appreciate my flowers, listen to the birds sing, feel the warmth of the sun, and get out all the frustrations from every other annoyance that I have endured this week by beating the crap out of something with a hoe.

I was just wrestling with a rose bush, and Poison was right, every rose does have its thorn. I remember seeing the tiny little rose bush starting to come up in the garden and thinking that roses are beautiful and it would be nice to have some there. But then I turned around for a moment and it had grown across the garden and up the tree. I needed to clip out huge sections with quite a bit of effort and pain. It kind of reminded me of parenting, and home ownership, and healing. So, the perfect reflection for a Sustainable Solutions for Healthy Homes blog.

In parenting, we need to constantly be thinking ten steps ahead, but also thinking of all the possible paths and implications of each of those, so more like a complicated multi-tasking matrix or flow chart or concept map that is constantly running in the background of every little decision. But, most of us learned the hard way that if you think an issue is cute like a baby rose bush, when you come back to it, you find that it has grown unmanageable. I recently noticed this about the bedtime schedule, which on one busy day with late activities, I let them stay up 15 minutes past bedtime, which then grew to half an hour. Then one day when I was really exhausted and had finally sat down for a moment, I didn’t feel like getting up to do the toothbrush battle, and it became a full hour later which has now somehow become their new bedtime and if I even suggest the previously routine bedtime I am clearly the meanest mom ever.

In home-ownership, any real estate agent or home inspector will tell you that water is the biggest enemy of any building. If you don’t notice a leak or water damage or mold when it is small and manageable it will grow and become a huge problem. There are many routine maintenance projects that you can do that are quick and affordable and easy. But if you get busy, with something like parenting, you can get behind without even noticing. And then one day when you find that you have slept for more than 4 hours and you look at your house with clearer eyes, you realize that the small project has now become a big, scary, expensive project.

In our physical health and healing, we need to listen to what our body is trying to tell us when the symptoms are small and whispering at us. If we wait, then the symptoms get bigger and louder until we pay attention. They are kind of like toddlers saying “mommy, mommy, mommy” in that way. They start off quiet and cute and grow into screaming monsters. They call for attention in little ways, like “hey, it hurts when I bend like that”…but you ignore it and keep going, because there is too much to do. Then you find that you are putting some muscle cream on it, maybe taking a pain killer, and then all of a sudden it screams “no more” and you are stuck in bed for two weeks.

So I try to learn from my mistakes, and this year I went out and tackled the little baby weeds when they are cute and little and easy to pull out of the garden beds. I got the whole garden done quickly, and I did it early enough in the season that it is not oppressively hot yet. I am going to catch up on my home improvement and maintenance projects. I am going to come up with a really awesome new bedtime routine. I am going to listen to my body and hydrate and rest as needed.  I have high hopes that I will keep being smart and proactive.

Okay, full disclosure, I am feeling really great about all this because I have a few extra hours this week because a class that I teach at the community college ended for the semester. I am sure that this amazing feeling will last at least until the kids are out of school for the summer. Then all bets are off. Oh wait, did you say concerts and field days and end-of-year picnics? Oh, no. Never mind.

 

If you are looking for some proactive tips and tricks for your family, your home, or your health, join me for a class or call me for a private consultation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your Friends Tell you When Your Trauma is Showing

Just because everyone that you know has similar symptoms, does not mean that you are healthy. But it also does not mean that feeling like that is inevitable. Over time we become relatively unaware of our shared cultural trauma. And if we cannot see the forest for the trees (because we are too busy just keeping our heads above water with our daily challenges), then it is hard to know where to start with breaking patterns and finding healthier ways to live.

You can bring more awareness to this by beginning to notice how many times you say something like:

• Everyone in my family has…
• Everyone over 50 has…
• All the women in my family get…. at this age.
• I’m always sick at this time of year.
• etc.

As we begin to notice how many symptoms we just accept as “normal” or inevitable, then we can begin to think about the bigger picture, and maybe think about making a different choice.

I always remember this one time when I went to see some acrobats, and my first thought was that there was something weird about them that they could move and bend their bodies like that. But then I shifted my thinking to the fact that maybe all humans are created with the potential, and if I had practiced and trained since I was little, then maybe I could move my body like that too. If I had come from a family of acrobats, then I would have had that belief in myself and in my own body. And then I saw some pictures of someone in their 90’s doing some amazing yoga poses, and I thought that maybe there was still time.

I had a yoga teacher once who would have us do a twist at the beginning of class and see what was the furthest point that we could see in the room, and then we’d do it again at the end of the hour and see how much more flexible we were already. Having that shift in perspective in a measurable dose really helped me to start seeing immediate results, even if I was still not quite an acrobat. And to be completely  honest, that yoga class was geared towards regaining mobility, and I was taking it with a room full of senior citizens because I was working my way to health and mobility after a few major abdominal surgeries. And being about 30 years younger than the others in the class, I appreciated having those role models to create a healthy vision for my future self.

Read more Scientific Studies about how our thoughts create our reality.

 

As a culture we are so used to this interesting paradox of a high daily dose of stress coupled with an easy, sedentary lifestyle that we don’t even second guess our own symptoms. As a society we have weight problems, cardiovascular problems, breathing difficulties, etc. that can all be attributed to our shared cultural stress and trauma. Sometimes I see kids at school that are suffering with multiple serious symptoms and their parents think that it is fine, or that there is nothing that they can do. I have learned to read my kids symptoms as messages about something that they need.

This stressful lifestyle of keeping busy, and the constant stream of bad news and drama makes us feel like it is normal to just list what is wrong, or label ourselves with our disorders, instead of listening to our bodies and making changes.

I have learned from trying to teach about health, that the hardest thing is to change a belief in someone who is set in their ways. I can almost visibly see someone batting away the information that I am telling them if it does not match their belief structure. For example, I heard someone who threw their back out talking about how they were going to pay the bills if they were out of work for two weeks. I mentioned that there is this amazing practitioner in town that does Myofascial Release and will have them feeling better in an hour, which it totally worth getting two weeks of your life back, even if it is not covered by insurance. But they just kept going with their story about how it is required to suffer for two weeks.

And before you think that I have it all figured out, I will share that I am still working on this myself. It is really hard to change your mindset because you are so used to your own habits and your own way of thinking. This is why I am thankful to have friends that are willing to tell me when my trauma is showing. I think of it like the friends who are honest enough to tell you that you have food in your teeth. They would rather tell me the hard truth than let me keep walking around with toilet paper on my shoe. They lovingly and patiently help me to see which habits I have that are no longer serving my highest good, and they help me to expand my thinking so that I can create an even better vision for my future.

So, who do you have in your life that is helping you to notice your unhealthy behaviors or patterns? Sometimes we need to stop and realize that the person who is bothering us and making us really angry is just there to mirror our behaviors and thought patterns so that we notice them. It can be really painful, but in the end it helps us to break the pattern and shift to a healthier way of life.

Contact Michelle for an Empowering Transformation Session if you are ready to start shifting your mindset, releasing your trauma, and breaking the patterns that are no longer serving you.

 

Disclaimer: The information contained in this website or provided through our programs and/or services is for informational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice from your physician, midwife,  or other health care or mental health professional.